I'll have what they're having (with fries)

So, my most favorite cousin, Anthony, called me yesterday to see how I was doing. I guess his dad, my uncle (Errol), told him about my situation and he was a bit concerned.

We talked for a good two hours and he was so kind to just listen as I went babbling on.

I asked him how he and his wife were doing and he said, "great." They have been married just 5 years and are expecting their third child. I am so happy for them - Anthony is a great guy - and Merilynne is a wonderful woman. How would it be?

I can't help but feel a little bit like, "I Want that, too!" I don't mean to boo-hoo, or throw a little pity party, but it just makes me realize that no matter how badly I want that, it isn't going to happen if both people don't want it to. One person can try ALL they want, and it still won't work. I know it may seem very obvious to you - but I am just finding this out.

Yes, I wanted it to work and yes, I tried and tried. But it takes both people giving 100%. I've come to the realization, that what is important to me, isn't so important to Jeff - and vice versa. I just have a hard time thinking either of us will change that much, if at all.

So, it was a GOOD conversation. I've come to accept and realize certain things. Life is good and God is continuing to bless me. I am SO grateful for my friends and family. They have been good to me and I sometimes feel like I'm very undeserving.

Anyway, just a little lightbulb moment for me I guess. Those are good :)

I do have a funny Braxton story, though. I got up to get ready for work and Braxton started to wake up about a half hour before I had to leave. He asked, "you goin' to work?" in his half-awake/half-asleep voice. I said, "uh-huh." Then he replied, "can I come with you, Mommy?" I said, "no, not today." He responded, "puhleeeeeze?" Again I answered, "no, hunnie." Then, in a more awake and annoyed voice, he said, "I said please!"

Poor guy. Actually, he is probably doing better than me. I miss him! I hope he knows this is just as hard for me :(

Until next time ...